Bill Maher
Conservatives aren't happy with Obama because he basically fired the CEO of General Motors, and they said he's interfering with private industry's ability to run our country into the ground.
He was the 11th U.S. President Queen Elizabeth has met with, and the first one where she spent the entire meeting clutching her purse.
David Letterman
The economy is horrible, isn't it? Just horrible. Every day there are little reminders that jump right in your face and remind you how bad the economy is. This morning, I wake up, I go downstairs. The Starbucks that was in my living room has closed. I go to Barnes and Noble, every book on sale in Barnes and Noble begins on Chapter 11. My retirement fund has lost so much value, it's now a 401K-Mart.
Jay Leno
President Obama and the First Lady met with Queen Elizabeth and the royal family at Buckingham Palace. Actually, you know why they did that? This is all part of Obama's campaign to reach out to those people without any real jobs.
Yesterday, President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama met the Queen of England. As a gift, they gave the Queen an iPod. I guess she can use that while she's jogging. And she likes it. She said it's so much easier to use than that giant boom box she used to carry around.
So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they're saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope.
And the U.S. government has launched a Web site to help people deal emotionally with this economic crisis. The site is for people who experience depression, crying, and anxiety. In fact, the first person to log on the Web site was Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner.
A lot of Americans don't understand the role of the queen. The queen is merely a figurehead. She wields no real political power. Or, as we call it in this country, the vice president.
People in England are lining up by the thousands to see President Obama, because this is really different for them. They've never seen someone like him — a 47-year-old man with a full set of perfect teeth.
And the press is going crazy over First Lady Michelle Obama. They say she is the reason for the sleeveless fashion trend that is sweeping Europe. But President Bush spoke about this today. He said he is appalled by it. He said, 'Sleeveless? How does she wipe her nose?'
At the big G-20 summit, President Obama met with the Chinese president, and they had the traditional exchanging of gifts. The Chinese do that. They exchange gifts. President Hu Jintao gave President Obama a gift made in China, and President Obama gave Hu a gift from America made in China.
Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich was indicted on federal corruption charges. Reporters caught up with him while he was at Disney World. He still maintains he did nothing wrong. He made that statement in Fantasy Land.
Protesters in London tried to disrupt the G20 summit. One bank was overrun with anti-money demonstrators. And they kept shouting, 'Abolish money!' Luckily, they were beaten back by an outraged Heather Mills.
Jimmy Fallon
The Taliban has decided to modernize a little bit. They're going to stop measuring the lengths of mens' beards. I'm proud of those guys.
The Taliban will no longer require women to wear those burkas while in public. Spring Break! Let's see those ankles!
Hey, you know that new X-Men movie, 'Wolverine,' that's coming out this summer? The F.B.I. is investigating it. There's an HD version that was leaked online. As soon as the F.B.I. solves the case, they'll get back to looking for bin Laden.
Seth Meyers
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg praised Reverend Al Sharpton, calling him a calming influence on the city. Wow! What are the odds of a city having two reverends named Al Sharpton?
This week, President Obama attended what was either the G-20 summit or his high school reunion. I haven't seen old white dudes this excited about meeting a black guy since Michael Jordan's fantasy camp.
Michelle Obama was photographed in London wearing clothes from J-Crew, the store is selling out of the clothes she's been wearing. Now if someone could just get her to drive a Chrysler.
When the president met with Queen Elizabeth, he presented her with an iPod loaded with Broadway show tunes while she gave him a silver framed picture of her and Prince Phillip. There were no winners in that gift exchange, because when I think of things an 83-year-old, super-rich British woman would want, an iPod is pretty far down the list, right between a bus pass and sneakers with the wheels on the bottom.
And when I think of what a 47-year-old, super-cool black dude would want, a picture of an 83-year-old white lady is last. Now I'm not saying it's easy to buy the Queen a gift. She wears the same outfit every day and her only hobby is waving.
John Stewart
Watch his segment on Baracknophobia:
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