"Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi described President Obama as an African of Arab and Muslim descent. After the speech, Gadhafi was given his own show on Fox News." –Conan O'Brien"The price of oil is rising because of all the unrest in the Middle East. And the unrest in Wisconsin is causing the price of cheese to go through the roof." –Jay Leno
"The White House hosted a concert to celebrate the 'Motown sound,' which featured Nick Jonas. Nothing says Motown like a Jonas brother." –Craig Ferguson
"The king of Saudi Arabia announced that he is giving his people $37 billion in subsidies and payments. It's not a stimulus package, it's a 'don't overthrow me' package." –Jay Leno
"A new poll shows that Donald Trump could beat President Obama in 2012. The poll was taken by Trump Polls International." –Conan O'Brien
"President Obama has appointed AOL founder Steve Case to the White House jobs council. Hiring the founder of AOL is expensive, but Obama got a CD-ROM in the mail that offered 100 free hours." –Jimmy Fallon
"Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi said that people protesting against him are under the influence of 'hallucination pills.' In a related story, Charlie Sheen just boarded a plane to Libya." –Conan O'Brien
"The Pentagon is testing a robotic hummingbird that can be used as a spy camera. They say it will help them track down terrorists and pretty flowers." –Jay Leno
"Texas is reportedly going to give college students the right to carry guns on campus. So I guess that next semester, every college student in Texas is getting straight A's." –Conan O'Brien
"If Gov. Scott Walker is driven out of power in Wisconsin, there will be a power vacuum that may be filled by the Muslim Brotherhood." –David Letterman
"Bill Clinton recently revealed that he only sent two e-mails while he was President. Then he added, "And it turns out those pills are just a scam." –Jimmy Fallon
"New rule: Stop calling it Obamacare. It's not like Obama will be the doctor for your next prostate exam. That's just a common fantasy of Republican men." Bill Maher
"The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore." –Conan O'Brien
"A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and duplicate programs waste billions of dollars each year. Congress is taking this study so seriously that they're ordering a second study to look into it." –Jay Leno
"They're saying Gadhafi is 'disconnected from reality.' According to the State Department, Gadhafi thought this year's Oscars were fantastic." –Conan O'Brien
"Gadhafi said his people 'love him.' I think that's what he said. It was hard to hear over the rebel gunfire." –David Letterman
"Sarah Palin was so accomplished as Governor she graduated early." –Jon Stewart
"On a rambling call to a TV station, Gadhafi ranted about his enemies and blamed others for his problems. He said he feels fine and is ready to go back to work. He's now the Charlie Sheen of Libya." –Jay Leno
"The latest rumor is that Moammar Gadhafi is calling other countries to find a place to live in exile. So far, only Chile has offered to rent out an empty mine." –Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin is going to India to make a speech. She’s hoping to visit some of those Indian casinos she’s heard so much about." –Jay Leno
"'King Kong' opened 78 years ago. It’s the story of a woman that gets carried away by an ape. The same thing happened to Maria Shriver." –David Letterman
"CBS has shut down Charlie Sheen’s show, 'Two and a Half Men.' Now I’m back to being CBS’ No. 1 paid embarrassment." –David Letterman
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