"Already the
Obama administration has been rocked by scandal. Beyonce lip-syncing; or at
least we think she was lip-synching. Manti Te’o said it sounded very real to
him." –Bill Maher, on Beyonce possibly lip-syncing at the Inauguration
"Lip-synching –
let that be a lesson; if you are in Washington DC and you open your mouth and
another voice comes out, it better be the NRA, an oil company, or a bank."
–Bill Maher
"The Pentagon
lifted the ban this week on women being able to serve. Yes, women can now serve
in front line combat positions, proving that women will follow gay men
anywhere." –Bill Maher
"Gov. Bobby
Jindal of Louisiana said 'we must stopped being the stupid party.' Good luck
with that. When Sarah Palin heard that, she demanded an apology. She said, 'How
dare he insult hard-working, patriotic, idiotic Americans like me.'" –Bill
Maher
"New Jersey
Governor Chris Christie is getting big-time financial support for his
re-election campaign, a fundraiser hosted by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. That
means the creator of the world's largest social network is raising money for
the world's largest governor." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Did you know
when you poke Chris Christie on Facebook, your computer giggles like the
Pillsbury Doughboy?" –Jimmy Kimmel
"Women can now
serve on the front lines in combat. I believe up until now, the only woman who
had ever seen action under a general was of course Paula Broadwell." –Jay
Leno
"Yesterday
House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama's focus is to annihilate
the Republican Party. Do the Republicans look like they need help from
President Obama?" –Jay Leno
"The Pentagon
has allowed women to serve in combat. Yeah, the hope is that we can now finally
defeat the Taliban by giving them the silent treatment." –Conan O'Brien
"North Korea
said it will test a rocket that they hope will hit the United States. In other
words, watch your back, middle of the Pacific Ocean." –Conan O'Brien
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